3/21/2005 - update about seeing new therapist
It's been a while since I entered anything. I felt like I should but there's just no time. Since I last posted, I went to see 2 therapist. The first guy, Michael Furst, was referred to me by Nancy Willis. He is actually a psychiatrist....his office was in Pioneer square that's why i was interested. With my intense schedule, it was not possible to go to anywhere else but near my work.
The outcome of our first, and only meeting wasn't tooo fruitful. He listened to all my concern and my hope to talk about how i cna be more "forgiving" and not let things get under my skin...after 2 hrs of talking, he "convinced" me to believe that it's not my problem, really. And that I have too much self guilt to try to change this. the issue can only be resolved with me and herman seeking middle ground. he suggested either couples therapy and also for me to do some "thinking" exercises,s o I can find out why i have such visceral reaction when I see 99. he said I will have some ah-ha's.... i was a bit disappointed but then realized something that didn't occur to me before, and that is, that I have a lot of guilt set in. I told this to herman and basically got a very negative reaction. I feel perhasp he was hoping that I can bare all the responsibilityes to change myself so this problem will go away and so he doesn't have to deal with it. As much as that's ALSO my goal, I felt that perhaps he could be more open minded and supportive of what the therapist had to say. Instead, herman said, "well then I have lost all confidence in counselling . I don't think it'd help even if we go together". That wasn't really what i had hope to hear....but...oh well. I have known that herman doesn't want problems. he wants everything to be happy. he wants to be able to debug something and be done and move on. unfortunately this is not gonna be easy as programming....
we left this alone for about 1.5 months. I decided to call our old therapist whom we've seen 5 yrs ago. I forgot her last name but I called EAP in bellevue anyway, and luckily i found her name. Barbary Ryan!! She's now in her private practice and after several rounds of conversation (she said she remembered us, believe it or not). we figured out how to deal with insuranc, etc. I went to see her last Thursday. It was great seeing her. (She looked like a ghost) but actually prettier than before. I was able to open up and I really liked her approach. I told her my experience w/ the other guy and she felt that he went to a conclusion pretty rushly. anyway, the "thinking exercise" will be conducted in our future sessions. We have decided to do self-exploration (if she talks to me then she can't talk to the both of us in couples therapy..we spent quite some time to figure and decide upon how to best use this great person)... in any case, we talked about the episode that had happened when ethan was born...the fight between mom and 99, and my reaction to 99 during christmas. Things that herman said , our fights. my realtionship w/ my mom (that also distant away). Their furniture and own towels, slippers clothes blankets pillows in my own home that act as an outpost and as she perceived, is the very reason why this is still getting under my skin day to day, even tho they are not here..... we talked about how herman has "grown" and has made a shift to the positive direction but there's still room to grow in the "loyaty" part. (herman frowned upon this part when I updated him)....
i will be back again on thursday to talk somemore. I am very very glad to have found her and I really hope this helps me heal
The outcome of our first, and only meeting wasn't tooo fruitful. He listened to all my concern and my hope to talk about how i cna be more "forgiving" and not let things get under my skin...after 2 hrs of talking, he "convinced" me to believe that it's not my problem, really. And that I have too much self guilt to try to change this. the issue can only be resolved with me and herman seeking middle ground. he suggested either couples therapy and also for me to do some "thinking" exercises,s o I can find out why i have such visceral reaction when I see 99. he said I will have some ah-ha's.... i was a bit disappointed but then realized something that didn't occur to me before, and that is, that I have a lot of guilt set in. I told this to herman and basically got a very negative reaction. I feel perhasp he was hoping that I can bare all the responsibilityes to change myself so this problem will go away and so he doesn't have to deal with it. As much as that's ALSO my goal, I felt that perhaps he could be more open minded and supportive of what the therapist had to say. Instead, herman said, "well then I have lost all confidence in counselling . I don't think it'd help even if we go together". That wasn't really what i had hope to hear....but...oh well. I have known that herman doesn't want problems. he wants everything to be happy. he wants to be able to debug something and be done and move on. unfortunately this is not gonna be easy as programming....
we left this alone for about 1.5 months. I decided to call our old therapist whom we've seen 5 yrs ago. I forgot her last name but I called EAP in bellevue anyway, and luckily i found her name. Barbary Ryan!! She's now in her private practice and after several rounds of conversation (she said she remembered us, believe it or not). we figured out how to deal with insuranc, etc. I went to see her last Thursday. It was great seeing her. (She looked like a ghost) but actually prettier than before. I was able to open up and I really liked her approach. I told her my experience w/ the other guy and she felt that he went to a conclusion pretty rushly. anyway, the "thinking exercise" will be conducted in our future sessions. We have decided to do self-exploration (if she talks to me then she can't talk to the both of us in couples therapy..we spent quite some time to figure and decide upon how to best use this great person)... in any case, we talked about the episode that had happened when ethan was born...the fight between mom and 99, and my reaction to 99 during christmas. Things that herman said , our fights. my realtionship w/ my mom (that also distant away). Their furniture and own towels, slippers clothes blankets pillows in my own home that act as an outpost and as she perceived, is the very reason why this is still getting under my skin day to day, even tho they are not here..... we talked about how herman has "grown" and has made a shift to the positive direction but there's still room to grow in the "loyaty" part. (herman frowned upon this part when I updated him)....
i will be back again on thursday to talk somemore. I am very very glad to have found her and I really hope this helps me heal
posted by superfcbear at 7:52 AM
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